There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
