It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
