The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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