I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
