There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
