She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
