Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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