Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
