I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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