he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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