yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
