she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
