why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
