I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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