i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
