Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
