70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
