Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
