Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
