the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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