You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize