the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I puked a lego.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
