Got a toothbrush?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
