ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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