i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
