she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
