i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
