I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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