And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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