Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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