Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
