i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize