so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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