I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
