Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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