i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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