I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
