There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
