i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
