so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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