I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They have beer where we have blood.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
