i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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