I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
