Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
