are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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