Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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