you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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