I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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