im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
