I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
