Porn is love you can see.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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