So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
