Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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