They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
