he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
