How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
