Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
