my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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