I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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