I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
