either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
