where am i from again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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