and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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