it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
