Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
